To The Beat Of My Heart.

I always hated sad music. When Kevin would play the soundtrack of Les Miserable I wanted to run. I use to get so mad at him. I’d rather play some Motown or cheesy pop music. He, being the man of my dreams, enjoyed his fair share of boy bands so we worked out fine. But he did have a passion for music that I so admired. He showed me the healing potential in music.

Now I cling to it.

It gives me a means to draw out locked away emotions or sometimes, it lifts me away from my emotions. Many nights I stay up. Many long drives are spent in tears. After all, I had a three-hour drive not knowing if Kevin was alive or dead.

That drive. Those miles and miles of torturous waiting between Jackson, MS and New Orleans, LA… They were three hours of hell. Friends and family saved my life by keeping Kevin’s fate from me until I had safely arrived in New Orleans.

I need to say that again, they saved my life. My best friend, my family, and Kevin’s family. Saved. My. Life.

Now when the anxiety of sleeping alone or taking a long drive start to bubble up, I put on Spotify and let the melodies heal me. I couldn’t be more thankful for this gift from Kev.

Sometimes my body just needs to let the tears flow and the pain to escape. I’m not an actor. I learned that quickly in high school. I can’t cry on cue. But when Mumford & Sons or Ed Sheeran starts to play to the beat of my heart… game over.

My sweet friend Zoe made me a playlist on Spotify to do just that. I remember she was worried some songs would be too hard for me. Now, instead of running from it, I let it wash over me. I accept it into my soul. I stare my pain in the face and set it to music. What could be more healing than that?

Till next time.